Independence Day

July 4^th 1776: The U.S. proclaims its independence from Great Britain

July 4^th 2004: Jenny decides she will live an independent life

July 4^th 2005: Jenny takes a bold first step in said life; Jenny meets a BFF

July 4^th 2006: Jenny’s Independence Day is proclaimed.

July 4^th is kind of a big deal in my life. As a child, fireworks and parades were never a focus of the day, but there was always a bit of extra feeling of something to celebrate about. George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, these were well known figures in my fund of childhood stories and they were talked about on July 4^th. Being proud of the U.S., without prideful blindness to its limitations and faults, was something instilled from tender years. And what better way to convince a child that something is good than by having a party about it?

In 2004 July 4^th became the most hated day of my life, the one with the most painful memories such that the National Holiday was blanketed over and being so busy that I didn’t even have the presence of mind to recognize which day it was became the supreme goal. While divorce had been something I had been fighting against for some time, despite my best efforts it crept nearer until it pounced on July 4^th. My last ditch hopes and efforts had failed and Martin and I decided that it was time to end the marriage. My world, my fairy tale, my Eternity seemed shattered and I was left fragmented and mourning for the loss that left me independently adrift.

In 2005 July 4^th found me in a brand new state, a new city, with no friends. So, having a horror of being alone one year to the day from when my life fell apart, I did what any YSA would do, I called the local Institute and asked if there were any plans I could participate in on the 4^th. There was a pool party, no one there I knew, in a place I didn’t know… I screwed up my courage, packed my bathing suit and pulled out my map. I still remember the walk from the side of my car, across the residential street, up the front walk, knocking on the front door, thinking whole way, “What on earth are you doing crazy lady??!!!” and being nearly too scared to go through with it.

Thank goodness I did because I met a fellow YSA who has become one of my best friends. To this day, each year I contact him and remind him (dates are not so much his thing) what a scared little puddle of goop I had been that day and how grateful I am that he sat and talked with the new girl and how much I value his friendship.

In 2006, now well established in my singlehood, I continued to be overwhelmed with the pain of July 4^th 2004, so ashamed (though I had done nothing ‘wrong’) that I had kept my “secret” from all but a handful and I fled to spend the National Holiday with my family. My brother, ever supportive, ever blunt, listened to his sister’s tale of woe about the on-going pain associated with July 4^th and then made a profound statement. He said that July 4^th was not a day of mourning; it is a day of celebration both for the country and for me personally. It was the day I chose to live my life free of a love-less marriage from a man who did not like me, disparaged my profession and deliberately insulted members of my family on a regular basis. Adam then said the words that have echoed in my mind until I can, five years later, believe it, “July 4^th is Jenny’s Independence day, too.”

So when, on July 4^th, you hear me say, “Happy Independence Day to the U.S. and to Me,” you may have some small glimmer into the path I’ve walked and just how much I have to celebrate on this day of independence.