Sonata Form

You might, or might not, want to read this blog. If you’re a friend of mine you might find interesting my take on how you (with a thinly disguised identity) have impacted me. If you’re an acquaintance of mine, you might not want to hear the above without any attempt at disguise. And if you’re neither I’m not sure why you’re reading this.

Selfishly, I have things I need to say, experiences I need to make sense of. Thus, I am writing about me, to me and then sending it off to the Ethernet Universe. As such, I will be speaking as I think, which means (if you’re going to follow along) you need to know a few basic points of reference about me.

1) I am a musician. At six months old I kept time accurately and find metronomes only get in the way of me keeping beat. I almost always have music playing in my mind. Music helped me make the most important decision of my life. I am an accomplished pianist, but I will not play for you unless you are a stranger or very close to me.

2) I am a psychologist. I will use psychological concepts and terms without explanation, so keep your Google and Wikipedia handy. One last note: You’re only hope of me not ‘analyzing’ you is if you never popped up on my radar. If I’ve seen you, heard of you or interacted with you then I’ve already started as reflexively as breathing. Your only consolation is that I keep my mouth shut about what I see and I don’t blab to others.

3) I am divorced. A few of you will be saying, “Tell us something we don’t know already!” The vast majority of you will need a moment to readjust your gestalt of me. The Mormons among you will be asking two questions: 1- Was it a temple marriage? 2- Why did it end? The rest of you might ask why it ended, but many of you will say, “Ok, we got it… next?” To answer your questions, yes it was done in the temple and 2… I suppose the easy answer is that we found out we weren’t as compatible as we thought we’d be. And then, subsequently, I didn’t want to stay married to someone who said he didn’t love me anymore. There are some things that one should not have to live through and I wouldn’t wish divorce on anyone.

4) I don’t brag. I will state facts, which you might or might not be impressed over. To quote Jane Eye, “I do not say it to impress. It is a fact. That is all.” In fact, I generally struggle to not alienate others by saying what could be perceived as bragging. Which lead to one of my best friends telling me I should brag and then promptly bragging on my behalf. I am as curious as a cat and have a hunger for new information and experiences so I tend to do a lot of stuff.

Finally, if you’re totally befuddled as to the meaning of this blog’s name, allow me to elucidate: Ostinato is a repeating musical phrase. Rubato refers to when the strict tempo is abandoned for a more emotional tone. Emotions are there to help us learn wisdom from our experiences… and I am looking for the patterns in my life. But, as the name implies- you will not understand if you try and logic it out. Only by relying on intuition can you feel the meaning.